Anniversary Grief Response: Navigating Grief Anniversaries with Resilience and Healing
It’s that time of year again. Kenneth is feeling waves of emotions that don’t quite make sense. Nothing major has changed in his life, and the world around him seems the same. Yet, the past few days have been rough. He’s not sleeping well. He’s exhausted, physically, mentally, and emotionally, but he keeps pushing through. There’s an underlying sadness, an irritability he can’t shake, and a persistent anxiety that lingers. He finds himself wondering, What is going on with me?
If you’ve lost someone you love, you might relate to Kenneth’s experience. This isn’t a sign of mental illness or something being “wrong” with you. It’s something called an anniversary grief reaction, a response to the significant dates that remind us of our losses. These dates might be the anniversary of a loved one’s passing, their birthday, or even a time of year that holds special meaning. And while these anniversaries can bring cherished memories, they can also stir up emotions that catch us off guard.
Why Do Grief Anniversaries Hit So Hard?
Grief anniversaries can be challenging, no matter how much time has passed. What makes them especially tricky is that the emotions don’t just show up on the exact day, but they can start creeping in days or even weeks beforehand and linger long after.
Our brains have a way of holding onto details from the time of loss - the season, the weather, certain smells, familiar sounds. These sensory cues can unknowingly trigger emotions tied to our grief. For instance, someone who lost a loved one in December might feel the weight of their absence when they hear Christmas music, see festive lights, or smell cookies baking in the oven. These seemingly small things can bring back powerful memories, making it feel as if the loss just happened.
Even if you’ve been coping well, grief anniversaries can stir up emotions in unexpected ways. You might feel a deep sadness, physical exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, or even frustration at the unfairness of it all. The important thing to remember is that this is completely normal. Grief isn’t linear, it ebbs and flows, and that’s okay.
How to Navigate Grief Anniversaries with Resilience
While grief anniversaries can be tough, there are ways to move through them with a sense of strength and healing:
Acknowledge Your Feelings
First and foremost, allow yourself to feel. There’s no right or wrong way to grieve, and your emotions aren’t something that needs fixing. Recognizing that your feelings are a natural part of grief can help ease the worry that something is “wrong” with you. Instead of resisting your emotions, give yourself permission to process them.
Create Meaningful Rituals
Honoring your loved one can be a beautiful way to navigate a grief anniversary. Light a candle, visit a special place, cook their favorite meal, or gather with friends and family to share stories. Finding a personal way to remember them can bring comfort and connection.
Lean on Your Support System
You don’t have to go through this alone. Reach out to friends or family members who understand what you’re feeling. Sometimes, just sharing memories or talking about your loved one can help ease the heaviness. If you need extra support, consider joining a grief group. Many churches and community centers offer them for free. A quick online search like ‘grief recovery group near me’ can help you find one in your area.
Prioritize Self-Care
Grief can be draining, so take care of yourself. Do things that bring you comfort - journaling, going for a walk, listening to music, or spending time in nature. Physical movement, like exercise or yoga, can also help release some of the tension you might be carrying.
Talk It Out
If you’ve been to grief counseling before or stopped therapy after feeling more stable, a grief anniversary might be a good time to check back in. A therapist can help you process your emotions and provide coping strategies to navigate this time with more ease.
Reframe Your Perspective
Grief doesn’t come with an expiration date. There’s no timeline that says you should be “over it” by now. The goal isn’t to forget. It is to find a way to carry your love and memories forward while still living your life. Over time, these grief anniversaries may become less intense, but that doesn’t mean your love for the person has faded. Healing doesn’t mean forgetting; rather, it means learning how to move forward while still honoring the past.
Don’t Avoid Your Feelings
It’s tempting to distract yourself with busyness, work, or other numbing behaviors like excessive drinking or scrolling endlessly on social media. But avoiding your emotions can actually prolong the grief process. Instead, give yourself space to reflect - write in a journal, talk with someone you trust, or simply sit with your emotions. Healing happens when we allow ourselves to grieve.
Find Creative Outlets
Expressing your grief creatively can be incredibly healing. Writing a letter to your loved one, creating a scrapbook, or even painting can help process emotions in a way that words sometimes can’t.
Hold Onto Hope
Healing is possible, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Prayer can bring peace, even when answers aren’t clear. Faith reminds us that we’re not alone in our grief. Jesus himself spoke of sending a comforter, the Holy Spirit, to walk with us through life’s pain and sorrows. In those moments when grief feels overwhelming, remember that God’s presence is steady, even when everything else feels uncertain.
“And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper (Comforter, Advocate, Intercessor - Counselor, Strengthener, Standby), to be with you forever”
Grief anniversaries can be tough, but they are also an opportunity to reflect on the love shared, the memories made, and the resilience you’ve built along the way. You are not alone in this journey. With time, self-compassion, and support, you can find ways to honor your loved one while still embracing the life ahead of you.
And remember, grieving isn’t about letting go. It’s about learning to carry love forward, in a new way.
Chidi Ndubueze, LPC, LADC/MH, ADSAC Assessor, SYMBIS Facilitator
Note: If you are interested in a free grief recovery group that I will be facilitating soon, please submit your email address through the contact page and include a brief message that you are interested, and I will email you the schedule.