Is My Therapist My Sounding Board?
In today’s fast-paced world, therapy has become more accessible as an essential tool for personal growth and emotional well-being. But as therapy becomes more mainstream, many people wonder, “ Is my therapist just a sounding board?”
That is a valid question, especially in an era where self-help culture encourages people to “vent” and move on quickly. However, therapy is meant to be much more than just a space to talk. It’s an opportunity for transformation. Let’s break down the difference between using a therapist as a passive listener and engaging in a meaningful, dynamic therapeutic relationship.
What Is a Sounding Board?
A sounding board is someone who listens while you express your thoughts and emotions, often without offering much feedback beyond validation. Friends, family, and even journal entries can serve as a sounding board. Venting in this way can be helpful in moments of frustration, but it rarely leads to deeper insight or lasting change.
More Than Just Listening: The Roles of the Therapist
A good therapist listens, but their role goes beyond passively absorbing your words. They:
Provide a safe, non-judgmental space for you to express your thoughts and feelings.
Reflect and challenge your thought patterns.
Help you navigate your thoughts, emotions, and challenges.
Offer alternative perspectives to broaden your understanding.
Encourage self-awareness by helping you notice blind spots.
Provide you tools and strategies to manage emotions, relationships, and life transitions.
Assist you in identifying patterns and developing solutions.
Balances encouragement with constructive challenges to foster growth.
If you leave your therapy sessions feeling like you’ve been monologuing while your therapist merely nods, it may be time to reassess what you're seeking from the experience.
Signs You’re Using Your Therapist as a Sounding Board
You do most of the talking, and they rarely interject.
You rarely pause for feedback from your therapist.
You leave sessions feeling heard but not necessarily challenged.
You’re venting about the same issues without making progress.
You rarely get practical tools or strategies to apply in real life.
If this sounds familiar, consider discussing it with your therapist. A simple conversation like, “I feel like I do a lot of venting, but I’d like more guidance. How can we shift our sessions to help me grow?” can be a game-changer.
How to Make Therapy More Effective
To move beyond using therapy as a sounding board, try these approaches:
Active Participation: Engage honestly and openly in the therapy process. Reflect on thoughts, emotions, and behaviors with your therapist’s guidance.
Be open to feedback: Therapy isn’t always comfortable, but growth happens outside your comfort zone. Be receptive to your therapist’s insights and embrace self-reflection. Work towards personal growth by applying insights and strategies learned in therapy.
Request structure: If your sessions feel too unstructured, ask for a more goal-oriented approach. Stay consistent with the framework your therapist suggests.
Apply what you learn: Therapy works best when you integrate new insights into your daily life. Sometimes, your therapist may give you "homework" or exercises (I prefer to call them commitments). Stay committed to completing these exercises and practicing the steps you’ve identified together in your sessions.
You are Responsible for Your Progress: Take ownership of actions and decisions outside of your sessions.
Reflect Between Sessions: Take notes, journal, and track your progress. Emotions can fluctuate. They may feel intense at times, especially after traumatic experiences or triggers (internal or external). And sometimes they might feel well regulated. However, fluctuating emotions don’t always mean progress or no progress. The real measure of your growth is how you handle those emotions when they arise.
Commit to the Process: Attend sessions regularly and follow through with agreed-upon goals and exercises.
Be Intentional: Time is precious. Don’t just go to see your therapist without a clear focus. Make the most of your 55 minutes by setting a goal in advance. Effective therapy includes structure, which means having specific goals to work on during each session.
Understand Your Role in Your Healing Journey: Some people go to therapy believing the therapist will fix their problems. Remember that while your therapist provides guidance, insight, and structure, you are responsible for engaging, reflecting, and taking action.
Final Thoughts
Your therapist is not just there to listen. They’re there to help you change, heal, recover, and grow. Keep in mind that the hard work of therapy comes from you, while your therapist is there to guide you along the way. If therapy feels like a one-way street, where you're simply venting without real transformation, it may be time to reassess your approach.
By actively engaging in the process and inviting deeper conversations, you can turn your therapy sessions into something far more powerful than a mere sounding board.
Chidi Ndubueze, LPC, LADCMH, ADSAC Assessor, SYMBIS Facilitator