Types of Grief

The Different Types of Grief

When we lose something or someone we love dearly, the pain manifests in our bodies through grief. Thus grief is the emotional, physical, cognitive, or spiritual response to losing someone dear to our heart or something we attach great importance to. It can be losing a loved one, a pet, an identity, or a sense of purpose. Loss is something we never wish for nor ever fully prepare for. 

Examples of the different forms of loss that can trigger a sense of grief:

• The loss of livelihood. For instance, the covid-19 pandemic caused so many to lose their jobs.

• The loss of identity can happen with empty-nesting, a divorce, or the loss of a career.

• The loss of functionality can occur with the surgical removal of a body part or organ due to medical problems.

• The loss of independence happens when we experience a decline in health and difficulty caring for ourselves due to aging or degenerative diseases that can cause us to depend on others for self-care.

• We lose a sense of security when we depend on others for our financial responsibilities and obligations.

• The loss of companionship can sometimes happen when we lose a pet, a family member, a friend, or a romantic partner.

•  And of course, death encompasses the physical absence of our loved one, which can lead to the loss of livelihood, identity, security, companionship, meaning, etc.

  Sudden death is when we lose someone unexpectedly. Examples include suicide, drug overdose, car accident, natural disasters, drowning, etc. A premature or unexpected death can be traumatic, and the grief that comes with it can be overwhelmingly disorienting. A significant number of people experience post-traumatic or acute stress after losing a loved one unexpectedly. This sudden loss can trigger the fight, flight or freeze response in our brain, which is a way of firing up the body to respond to a distressing situation. However, in many cases, the brain remains in that elevated state of alertness, causing physiological and psychological responses that can become debilitating without early intervention. Here are examples of how our body responds to post-traumatic or acute stress: 

• Disorientation·

• Shock

• Flashbacks

• Nightmares

• Severe anxiety

• Panic

• Negative thoughts

• Depression

• Irritability

• Hyper-vigilance – a state of extreme alertness as if anticipating a threat or danger

• Avoidance – of anything, anyone, or any place that reminds us of our loved one or the event that led to their sudden death.

Anticipatory grief occurs before the loss, for example, in the case of a terminal illness where the disease has advanced, and our loved one has only a given period to live, or when we anticipate the loss of a job due to lay-offs. We want to hold onto hope, but we know the loss is inevitable, triggering a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, despair, and loss of control. In the case of death, being unable to help or save our loved one during this time can be devastating. Some might avoid visiting their loved one at the hospice during this time because they don't want to remember their loved one looking faint and feeble, and they want to hold onto the last memory of their loved one looking healthy and happy. However, visiting a dying loved one at this time can be more healing than avoiding the visit. Remember, your loved one needs your support and might feel abandoned at this last stage of their lives if you quit visiting them. 

Preparatory grief and anticipatory grief can occur concurrently. For example, in the case of death, we might start preparing for the passing of our loved ones once we receive the news of their terminal illness and begin to anticipate their demise. Not all anticipatory grief leads to preparatory grief. For instance, someone anticipating a lay-off from a career they have devoted so many years to might still have a chance of building a new career. So this kind of anticipatory grief can become reversed once the individual finds a new job or rebuilds a new career. In preparatory grief, the individual and their family know death is imminent and have only a given time to live. This can be a time to resolve conflicts, forgive wrongs, reconcile with loved ones, say goodbyes, or seek spiritual meaning. Our loved ones might even participate in their funeral arrangements during this time of preparatory grief. 

See other topics on grief - Grief Response; The Grieving Process; Healing from Grief; and Finding Hope Amidst Loss and Grief.

Chidi Ndubueze

MHR, LPC, LADC/MH, ADSAC Assessor, SYMBIS Facilitator