Grounding Skills for Anxiety
When I ask my clients to describe what anxiety feels like, I usually get a few answers such as:
Crippling fear.
Uncertainty.
Fear of the unknown.
Loss of control.
When I lay on my bed at night, unable to sleep, and going through all the "what ifs": What if I cannot do my job effectively? What if I mess up at work? What if I fumble at the interview? What if my new boss doesn't like me? What if I fail as a parent? What if I don't have enough money to pay my bills this month? What if my marriage fails? What if they quit loving me? What if I fall sick? What if I die lonely? What if they don't like me? What if I never find love? What if I fail my tests? What if I can't afford college? What if my teenager experiments on drugs? What if my spouse leaves me?
The questions in my head that I fixate on. These are the questions that I have no answer to.
The feeling of my heart beating faster, my feet and hands shaking, my forehead breaking out in a sweat, and my mouth drying up.
I notice the common denominator of these definitions and descriptions of anxiety is the unknown/not knowing/not in control of. Anxiety deprives us of the ability to dwell and enjoy the present and what is happening around us, here and now, TODAY. And the sad part is, regardless of how much we try to figure out the future, we can never know.
The primary tool to combat anxiety is living here and now. What is going on today, here and now? My bills are up-to-date today. The new boss has not given me any indication that they don't like me. Although the course is challenging, my grades are still good. I have not received a complaint from the teachers, so my child must be doing well at school. My position at my job is still intact.
Using the five senses to focus on our surroundings and what is happening around us – the sense of touch, taste, sight, smell, and hearing- can effectively combat anxiety.
Sense of Sight: The sense of sight is an effective grounding tool. What are some unique shapes or colors you can identify around you now? What makes that picture on the wall unique? What do you notice about the people around you? What is unique about their facial expressions or body language? Are they frowning or smiling? How many people have glasses on? How many are wearing the same color of clothing? What beauty can you identify around you?
Sense of Hearing: This is a powerful calming tool. Do you like music? What kind of music do you enjoy? Music can be soothing and comforting. The brain releases dopamine, a feel-good hormone that relieves stress and anxiety, when we listen to music we like.
Sense of Taste: What food, drink, or flavor do you enjoy? Something small enough to carry with you, like a piece of gum, candy, or chocolate. What does it taste like – sweet, sour, tangy, or spicy? What is the flavor – orange, strawberry, lemon, etc.? What is the texture – chewy, mushy, crunchy, or lumpy? What is your favorite drink? Water, coffee, tea, or other beverage? You might consider drinking cold water or a cold non-alcoholic beverage when anxious. That can be soothing.
Sense of Smell: Are you at home, in your office, or out and about? What does it smell like around you? Coffee, essential oil, deodorant, air freshener, sweat, dirty diaper, food? You might consider changing the smell around you if it is unpleasant.
Sense of Touch: Are you lying down on your bed? Are you sitting at home, in a restaurant, or an office? Can you feel the surface under your feet or bottom? Is it a soft or hard surface, wood, concrete, or cushioned? Are you able to hug or cuddle with your spouse? Can you hug a loved one? The brain releases oxytocin, another feel-good hormone, also known as the "cuddle hormone," when we are physically affectionate or receive physical affection from our loved ones.
Focusing on what you can see, hear, taste, smell, or touch (the concrete) rather than fixating on what you cannot control can ease the anxiety you feel here and now. If you can change anything about it, what steps, no matter how little, can you take towards changing the situation that causes you anxiety? But if you cannot change anything about it now, you do not have control over it. Please let go and accept your lack of control at the moment.
If your anxiety is clinical and debilitating, please don't hesitate to contact a mental health professional who can further help you develop healthy and effective coping skills.
And remember, although it might not feel like it at the moment, God has assured us of His presence at all times. Feelings are temporary. They come and go. Can you take a moment to meditate on this Psalm:
“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy”
Chidi Ndubueze,
MHR, LPC, LADC/MH, ADSAC Assessor, SYMBIS Facilitator