Trust issues usually come from past experiences of betrayal, abandonment, rejection, or deception. The more it happens, the harder it becomes to trust, not just the person who hurt you, but even those who genuinely mean well. So, how do you rebuild trust when it's been shattered, especially more than once?

Forgive Those Who Have Hurt You

Forgiveness isn’t just about letting the other person off the hook. It’s about setting yourself free. When you forgive, you release yourself from the pain and resentment that keep you stuck. You regain your peace of mind and stop seeing every new person through the lens of past hurt. (See How Do You Forgive When You've Been Hurt So Bad?)

Forgive Yourself

Sometimes, we carry guilt and blame ourselves for what happened. Maybe you keep thinking about what you “should have” or “could have” done differently. But here’s the thing, you are human. You won’t always see the red flags or know what’s coming. Only God is all-knowing. So, be kind to yourself and practice self-compassion. Forgiving yourself is a necessary step toward trusting again. (See How Do You Forgive When You've Been Hurt So Bad?)

Don’t Ignore Red Flags

When you’ve been hurt before, you start noticing patterns. Your intuition (gut feeling, discernment, whatever you call it) will often signal when something doesn’t feel right. Pay attention. That doesn’t mean putting up walls and shutting everyone out, but it does mean setting healthy boundaries that allow trust to grow over time.

"Experience is the best teacher, and the worst experiences teach the best lessons." Jordan Peterson.

Prioritize Your Emotional Safety

As you learn to trust again, whether it’s with someone who betrayed you before or new people who haven’t given you a reason to doubt them, be mindful of your emotional well-being. Someone is emotionally safe for you when:

You feel comfortable being yourself around them.
You can share personal things without worrying about how they’ll use that information.
You don’t feel judged.
They don’t use your vulnerability against you.
You feel accepted, valued, and at peace in their presence.

Watch for Change and Consistency

If someone who hurt you in the past wants to rebuild trust, they need to do more than say “I’m sorry.” Look for:

Full responsibility for their actions.
Genuine remorse (not just words but actions that show they regret hurting you).
No excuses, just a sincere apology.
A commitment to change and consistent effort to prove it over time.

For those who haven’t hurt you, remember, they are not the person who betrayed you. Everyone makes mistakes, and not every mistake is a sign of betrayal. Try to focus on their strengths rather than their flaws. When in doubt, ask for clarification instead of assuming the worst.

Stay True to Yourself

It’s easy to become guarded after being hurt, but don’t let past pain turn you into someone you’re not. Not everyone is out to hurt you. Avoid the mindset of “I’ll hurt them before they hurt me.” Instead, stay open to meaningful relationships while still protecting your heart with healthy boundaries.

Give Yourself Time to Heal

Healing isn’t instant, and that’s okay. Take your time. Avoid rushing into a new relationship just to fill the void. Rebound relationships often lead to more hurt. Instead, engage in activities that bring you peace and surround yourself with supportive people who truly care. Most importantly, lean on God. Talk to Him about your pain and let Him heal you in ways no one else can.

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds

(healing their pain and comforting their sorrow)."

Psalm 147:3 AMP

Rebuilding trust isn’t easy, but it is possible. One step at a time, with grace, wisdom, and patience, you can learn to trust again.