Losing a loved one is one of life’s most profound and painful experiences. Grief isn’t just an emotional response. It affects every part of us, from our thoughts and behaviors to our physical health and spirituality. It can be overwhelming, confusing, and deeply personal.
The way we grieve varies from person to person. Factors like our relationship with the deceased, personality, belief system, and support network all shape the intensity and duration of our grief. For instance, if you shared a deep bond with someone, your grief may last longer and feel more intense than someone who had a distant or strained relationship with them.
No matter how grief manifests, it’s important to remember that your response is valid. Here are the different ways grief can impact us:
Emotional Responses
Grief can stir up a storm of emotions, often hitting us in waves. You may experience:
Deep sadness or depression
Anger: at yourself, others, or even the person who passed away
Anxiety and fear about the future
Guilt: wondering if you could have done something differently
Numbness or emotional detachment
Hopelessness and helplessness
Loss of motivation for things that once brought joy
Cognitive Responses
Grief also affects the way we think. You might notice:
Confusion and forgetfulness
Disbelief and shock: feeling like it’s all a bad dream
Difficulty concentrating or making decisions
Short-term memory issues
Recurring nightmares or intense dreams
Behavioral Responses
Our actions and habits may change as we process loss. Common behaviors include:
Avoiding places, people, or situations that remind us of the deceased
Withdrawing from social activities and isolating ourselves
Turning to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance use, comfort eating, or impulsive spending
Losing interest in things we once enjoyed
Blaming ourselves or others for the loss
Keeping excessively busy to distract from the pain
Physical Responses
Grief isn’t just emotional. It takes a toll on the body, too. You may experience:
Muscle aches, tension, and headaches
Digestive issues or stomach pain
High blood pressure or heart palpitations
Changes in sleep patterns: either insomnia or sleeping too much
Hyper-alertness and sensitivity to noise or touch
Appetite changes: overeating or losing interest in food
Sudden weight gain or loss
Uncontrollable crying and exhaustion
Spiritual Responses
Grief can also shake or strengthen our faith. You might find yourself:
Questioning your beliefs: “Did I pray enough? Could I have changed the outcome?”
Feeling abandoned by God and asking, “Why would He allow this?”
Experiencing confusion or doubt about spiritual teachings
Finding deeper meaning in your loss, leading to personal growth and renewed faith
There’s No Right Way to Grieve
Grief is messy. It’s painful. And it doesn’t follow a timeline. However, acknowledging your grief and understanding your responses can be the first step toward healing.
If you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. Seeking support through loved ones, therapy, faith, or healthy coping strategies can help you navigate the journey ahead.
See Healing from Grief and Loss for ways to cope and heal after losing a loved one.
Chidi Ndubueze, LPC, LADCMH, ADSAC Assessor, SYMBIS Facilitator