Losing a loved one can be devastating and challenging. With grief come specific changes in our body that we might not fully understand or control. These changes can be emotional, cognitive, behavioral, spiritual, physical, and sometimes overwhelming and confusing. Various factors can impact the intensity and length of the grief we experience, including but not limited to our relationship with the deceased, personality, belief system, support system, etc. Supposing I had a longstanding, closely attached relationship with the deceased, I might experience prolonged grief compared to someone who barely knew the deceased or a family member who did not have as close of a relationship as I did with the deceased. It is important to note that some of the symptoms we experience when we lose a loved one are normal grief responses. Here are different ways our body responds to grief:
The Emotional Responses include depression, sadness, anger, anxiety, guilt, numbness, hopelessness, helplessness, loss of motivation, etc.
Cognitive Response includes but is not limited to confusion, disbelief, shock, short-term memory problems, difficulty concentrating, nightmares or intense dreams, etc.
The behavioral Response includes avoiding people, places, or situations that remind us of the deceased. This avoidance can sometimes escalate into indulging in mood-altering substances, comfort eating, or impulsive behaviors. We may lose interest in our usual activities. We might find ourselves blaming others for our loss. We might also channel the blame to ourselves. We might isolate ourselves from the world or get ourselves extremely busy.
The physical Responses include muscle aches and pain, high blood pressure, oversleeping, problems falling or staying asleep, headaches, digestive issues, hyper-alertness, hypersensitivity, change in appetite, weight gain or weight loss, uncontrollable sobbing, etc.
A spiritual response to grief can be in the form of questioning our faith. "Do I believe enough?" "Could my loved one have survived if I had believed or prayed enough?" Some might find themselves asking God, "why"? "Why would He allow such a horrible thing to befall us?" "Why would He let our loved ones suffer?" Some might experience confusion and ambivalence with their faith. Some might lose their faith, while others might derive meaning or purpose in grieving.
Whatever the case, there is no exact way to feel while grieving. Grief does not feel good. Period. However, it is crucial to identify coping methods during this time that can aid the healing process. See Healing from Grief and Loss for ways to cope and heal after losing a loved one.
Chidi Ndubueze
MHR, LPC, LADC/MH, ADSAC Assessor, SYMBIS Facilitator